Good Lord save us from megachurches and the contemporary “worship space” names they litter upon our once Christ-filled landscape. For the love of God: nine Elevation locations in the vapid Reconstructed city of Charlotte were already quite enough. And now the post-modern Christians wanna spread this hipster nonsense all around Carolina. Enough with the plastic “churches,” I say.
Upward. Impact. Summit. These all sound like health-training facilities for outdoorsy types. I totally expect to see a rock-climbing wall featured prominently, perhaps located near the gourmet coffee nook with its nose-pierced Hillsong baristas.
New Hope. Life Point. CrossPointe. Such gimmicky gobble-dee-gook, but with the missing hook of a good ad or the clever pitch of a used-car salesman. In an effort to seem generically inclusive and cool, any one of them could be any product, from cardio equipment to condoms.
City Church. Mosaic. The Fellowship Downtown. Yeah, translation: “Oh, please ‘people of color’ come to our church, so we self-loathing white people can say we have ‘urban’ friends.” Just for the record, cool black people find this patronizing.
The Bridge. Journey. I mean, c’mon. One was a Zeppelin song, and the other a seminal ’80s band. What’s next? Heart? Doobie Brotherhood? Gods and Roses? Seriously, why must American Christianity be so retarded and fake?
My family enjoys Jay Dyer’s spoof of the Ameridox phenomenon, with his parody video about the fictional Circus of Power church. Some of the megachurch’s secular lures include “pizza buffet warehouse buffet strip club,” dance troupe, monster truck rally, and hip hop ministry. And we all know this isn’t far off from the truth.
If you think I’m picking too much on Elevation and its dubious churchism, tell me honestly you don’t think the “campus” location seen at top could be an Old Navy store. Or maybe a Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Holy it is not.
You can also take a gander at these Babylon Bee satirical gems: Elevation Church Debuts Water Slide Baptismal, Elevation Church Ordered To Post Photosensitive Seizure Warning Before Worship Services, and Elevation Church To Buy Carolina Panthers For $2.3 Billion. Seriously hilarious.
C’mon, folks. Laughter is some of the best medicine our decaying culture can use. I say, don’t be an April fool and let this clown world steal your joy. Have a good chuckle, won’t you?
Comments
Crazy!I knew the modern church was bad but this is a whole new level!Thank you for revealing this to us.I can’t imagine what God is “thinking”about all this nonsense but it is certainly part of the end times and”tickling ears”type of wickedness.God bless.
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Laurie, maybe God is getting a good laugh at all this, too. After all, we have never had more access to the Word, with more Bibles printed now than in all of human history and more literate populations than ever before … yet, we want to water down the logos and sell it to the masses a la “Jesus is my boyfriend” pop music by preachers in combat boots and skinny jeans. Yeah, maybe it is the end times. Or maybe we’re just meant to suffer, since that is when we can be closest to God and truly commune with Him: when we’re at our weakest.
Great to hear from you again. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. God bless you, too, sister!
Amen!
Thank you and your words helped because I am”going through it”currently and need to depend on God more.I am always encouraged by your writings even if I don’t always comment.
Keep on keepin on!
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🙂 🙂 🙂
Talk about taking the Lord’s name in vain. Great article. You’re my ‘go to’ source for these types of faux Christian events.
I like the new style. Do what’s best for you and the family. As Tolkien was fond of saying, “this is a fallen world,” and we may not be able to change it much for the good, so don’t let the fight against it consume you. Have peace knowing that you are on the right path both with God and politics and that you, along with your husband, are shepherding your children to do the same. It’s all we really have control over. This is what I tell myself anyway.
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TL, your comments mean so much to me! Yes, I can’t let the haters steal my joy. Gotta stay focused on the big kahuna: shepherding the kiddos, fostering my marriage, and praising God no matter the situation. I wanna be a mix of Paul and Silas, who sung hymns while being persecuted in prison, and John the Baptist, who radically called out the heretics and evil-doers, and preached the necessity of repentance all while paving the way for Christ. Bold but loving … and balanced (just for my own sanity). You rock, brother. Thanks for keepin’ it real. 🙂
When I get the time I am going to look up tax returns for this organization. I bet the pastors and some administators make a nice wage for answering their calling.
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PLEASE do! They are snake-oil salesmen of the highest degree. Make it happen, Terri!